Ban Cell Phone Use While Moving

Back when Gordon practically invented the mobile phone, it had purpose and meaning (see pic on the lower left column). After my island vacation, I am sad to report that cellphones have now infiltrated every area of what was once sacred, and I actually witnessed a snorkeler using one. That, my friends, can only be topped by an asshole cell-user talking to someone very important whilst tobogganing.

I hope there's a sturdy sapling of the rare and dangerous 'Razor with Acid Tree' at the bottom of the hill. Jagoff.

only in America ...

A state judge has ordered O.J. Simpson to limit his spending to "ordinary and necessary living expenses" after the family of murder victim Ron Goldman raised concerns the former football star was shopping another book deal.

Los Angeles County Superior Court Judge Gerald Rosenberg issued the limited restraining order on Friday, which also prohibits Simpson from spending any earnings from past deals, including books, films, and sports memorabilia. The order remains in effect until a February 20 hearing.

Really? I'm shocked.

Child pornography was found on the home computer of Missouri man accused of kidnapping two Missouri teenagers, the New York Post reported Monday.

What a surprise. I know a way to solve this increasingly-common problem with child molesters: kill them.

This guys is NUTS, I mean, HITS nuts!

A former high school basketball coach faces 39 charges for allegedly hitting male students in the groin, showing them pornography and pouring water on his players then driving them to games in the winter with the windows rolled down.

Gregory Lynn Burr, 28, face charges ranging from sexual assault on a child by one in a position of trust to child abuse resulting in serious bodily injury, according to court documents reviewed by The Gazette of Colorado Springs. One of the students claims to have had scrotal surgery because of Burr's alleged assault.

A student in documents said Burr would ask them, "What is the capital of Thailand?" When they would answer "Bangkok," he would hit them in the groin.

The incidents allegedly took place from September 2005 to March 2006 at The Monument Academy.

Burr's phone number in Colorado Springs was not listed. Burr attorney Phil Dubois told The Gazette Monday that the charges are unwarranted, adding, "Mr. Burr is not a sex offender or anything close to it."

Burr, who was arrested, posted $10,000 bail on Dec. 14, court records show.

Burr is no longer employed at the charter school, which is part of the Lewis-Palmer School District 38, said Ted Belteau, the district's executive director of personnel and student services.

Burr's wife, Sharalee, was athletic director, coach of the girl's basketball team last season and a teacher at the school told the newspaper that she was fired.

In arrest records, some of the victims portrayed the incidents as Burr's misguided attempts at humor, but said they kept quiet for fear of getting kicked off the team. One student estimated some of the players were hit in the groin 30-40 times.

Another said the blows occurred at every practice, with the coach hitting them with his hand, basketballs and tennis balls.

Doh! A slight miscalculation!!

Stupid me - I forgot to consider the possibility if a botched hold attempt. What?
Yes, exactly.

Maybe Carrie Underwear had something to do with Tony Homo's tossing of the game.

Mr. Gekko would have won the bet

"Fishermen fought foul weather to rescue an American sailor adrift 500 miles off the tip of South America early Friday, and he was found in good condition, Chilean navy officials said.

California native Ken Barnes, 47, had been adrift at sea since Tuesday after a storm damaged his boat and interrupted his attempted solo sailing trip around the world two months after he set off.

The Chilean Navy had picked up distress signals from Barnes' beacon Tuesday, and on Wednesday a navy plane spotted the yacht.

At the request of the navy, crew on the Polar Pesca 1, a private Chilean fishing vessel, rescued Barnes at 1:48 a.m. (4:48 a.m. ET) Friday."

Dammit! GG would have taken me to the cleaners on that one. It's good that "sailor" is alive, but he's still a flippin idiot.

Marv vs Max

My old chum Marv from the old 80s firm was, well, a complete asshole. A womanizing wannabe, as well as self-promoting loser of a financial manager, Marv fancied himself as an "idol" of sorts. My, was he wrong.

Whilst perusing random websites, I trod upon a modern-day Marv! Perplexing to say the least. The look may have changed since the eighties, but the core is still the same. What a fucking loser.


Apparently I'm not the only one that believes this guy is a complete tool, because someone has come up with an "anti" site, and although spelled incorrectly, the message is perfectly clear: Tucker Max is a douchebag? Indeed.