Wow. Big Surprise.

who didn't think this would happen?

Bears 28, Colts 24

...that's my prediction. Okay, so I haven't done so well in the post-season this year. But this 7-point underdog BS has me thinking this: The Redskins were a three-point dog to Denver in XXII and won by 32. Kansas City was a 12-point dog to Minnesota in IV and won by 16. Got it?

Pay attention to DE Mark Anderson.

That's just gross, man

On the eve of my the biggest game since 1985, I say this: All depends on Rex, which means 'King.'


Let us pray...

Ban Cell Phone Use While Moving

Back when Gordon practically invented the mobile phone, it had purpose and meaning (see pic on the lower left column). After my island vacation, I am sad to report that cellphones have now infiltrated every area of what was once sacred, and I actually witnessed a snorkeler using one. That, my friends, can only be topped by an asshole cell-user talking to someone very important whilst tobogganing.

I hope there's a sturdy sapling of the rare and dangerous 'Razor with Acid Tree' at the bottom of the hill. Jagoff.

Groundhog Day?

I think it's funny that no one notices that Phil lives in Gobbler's Knob. What do you think the second choice was for the name of this town?

Back from Vacation

After the big win, I took my victory earnings to the Carribean where I enjoyed some sand, sun, and suds with thirteen hookers in twelve days. Pure paradise. As I prepare various news and posts for the biggest game of the year, feel free to enjoy this:

only in America ...

A state judge has ordered O.J. Simpson to limit his spending to "ordinary and necessary living expenses" after the family of murder victim Ron Goldman raised concerns the former football star was shopping another book deal.

Los Angeles County Superior Court Judge Gerald Rosenberg issued the limited restraining order on Friday, which also prohibits Simpson from spending any earnings from past deals, including books, films, and sports memorabilia. The order remains in effect until a February 20 hearing.

Really? I'm shocked.

Child pornography was found on the home computer of Missouri man accused of kidnapping two Missouri teenagers, the New York Post reported Monday.

What a surprise. I know a way to solve this increasingly-common problem with child molesters: kill them.

NFL Predictions

INDIANAPOLIS (13-4) at BALTIMORE (13-3)
Those of you who have read my prognostications the last few years may think you know where I’m going with this one… because I’ve been on the Colts-are-due-to-make-it-to-the-Super Bowl kick for a few years now. But even more of a base philosophy for me is the idea that a good defense will beat a good offense much more often than not, especially in the playoffs. New England has made a postseason habit of besting the Colts with the formula of a superior defense to go with homefield advantage, and I believe the Ravens will do likewise. And I also like time-tested veteran McNair in big games.


Prediction: RAVENS, 28-17


PHILADELPHIA (11-6) at NEW ORLEANS (10-6)
My M.O., as it pertains to forecasting playoff games, is to find which underdog in each round I like the most and jump aboard. For this season’s divisional round, that’s definitely the Eagles. However, there’s one key injury that concerns me from Philly’s point of view – cornerback Lito Sheppard’s status is in doubt, and when you consider that the Saints might also reap the return of veteran wideout Joe Horn, the Saints’ advantage in the passing game may be pronounced. Ultimately, the game is likely to come down to which club makes the fewest mistakes (most games do), and in that event the comparatively inexperienced Saints, even at home, are the most likely to flinch.


Prediction: EAGLES, 23-16


SEATTLE (10-7) at CHICAGO (14-2)
The Bears completely dominated the first meeting between the two (albeit Seattle was without Alexander), and are rested and ready for the sequel. I’m still not convinced Chicago can hold serve and reach the Super Bowl with Grossman at the controls, but their defense and special teams alone are more than enough to dethrone the NFC champs.

Prediction: BEARS, 24-10

NEW ENGLAND (13-4) at SAN DIEGO (14-2)
Easily the toughest pick of this week’s four games in my opinion. The Chargers are unbeaten at home, but New England is a robust 7-1 on the road. The Patriots’ extensive playoff experience is at least an equalizer. And if this game evolves into a battle of QBs, it’s not a leap to favor Brady over Rivers. Okay, enough beating around the bush. There are plenty of compelling reasons to go with the Patriots, but I like San Diego because the Chargers have earned the top seeding with consistently outstanding play. Their two losses were close road affairs. They’ve beaten some quality clubs, and thoroughly whipped some on their home field as well. Anticipate a highly entertaining contest.


Prediction: CHARGERS, 27-20

American Midol

Holy shit. What is she on? Oh let me guess - she's tired.

Bubba is Gettin' Hitched

The King of All Media's favorite son, The King of All Hillbillys , is getting married. His fiance, Heather, is either super cool and tolerant, or lobotomized. I hope it's the former. The over/under on 'years this will last' is four and a half. For some strange reason, I'm taking the over. Perhaps it's my optimism regarding the Chicago Bears this weekend.

Betting windows are now open. Good luck, Bubba.

This guys is NUTS, I mean, HITS nuts!

A former high school basketball coach faces 39 charges for allegedly hitting male students in the groin, showing them pornography and pouring water on his players then driving them to games in the winter with the windows rolled down.

Gregory Lynn Burr, 28, face charges ranging from sexual assault on a child by one in a position of trust to child abuse resulting in serious bodily injury, according to court documents reviewed by The Gazette of Colorado Springs. One of the students claims to have had scrotal surgery because of Burr's alleged assault.

A student in documents said Burr would ask them, "What is the capital of Thailand?" When they would answer "Bangkok," he would hit them in the groin.

The incidents allegedly took place from September 2005 to March 2006 at The Monument Academy.

Burr's phone number in Colorado Springs was not listed. Burr attorney Phil Dubois told The Gazette Monday that the charges are unwarranted, adding, "Mr. Burr is not a sex offender or anything close to it."

Burr, who was arrested, posted $10,000 bail on Dec. 14, court records show.

Burr is no longer employed at the charter school, which is part of the Lewis-Palmer School District 38, said Ted Belteau, the district's executive director of personnel and student services.

Burr's wife, Sharalee, was athletic director, coach of the girl's basketball team last season and a teacher at the school told the newspaper that she was fired.

In arrest records, some of the victims portrayed the incidents as Burr's misguided attempts at humor, but said they kept quiet for fear of getting kicked off the team. One student estimated some of the players were hit in the groin 30-40 times.

Another said the blows occurred at every practice, with the coach hitting them with his hand, basketballs and tennis balls.

It's About Time

NEW YORK — Hoops superstar Jason Kidd yesterday slapped his knockout wife with shocking divorce papers - claiming he's an abused spouse. The New Jersey Nets' All-Star point guard - once busted for allegedly hitting his sexy bride, Joumana, in the face over a french fry - charges in the explosive court document that she has been punching, kicking and throwing "household objects" at him virtually since their wedding day in 1997. "

The defendant's behavior has left the plaintiff concerned for his well-being," say the sensational papers, filed in Bergen County Superior Court in Hackensack. The star athlete stands 6-foot-4 and weighs 210 pounds. The couple has a mansion in upper-crust Saddle River, where they live with their three young kids - son T.J., 8, and twin 5-year-old daughters Miah and Jazelle.

According to the court papers, Joumana's "extreme cruelty" toward Kidd has included trying to make him look bad in front of the children by talking trash about his career - not to mention tossing paint on his beloved golf clubs. Kidd charges that his wife even recently used T.J. to "sneak into" the team's locker room to rifle through his belongings and dig up dirt on him. On Dec. 27, she swiped his cellphone and then left the boy alone to take a front-row seat at the game - where she proceeded to openly taunt her husband with "personal insults," the court papers allege.

Sources said Joumana waved her hubby's phone at him and punched in numbers from his personal address book as she screamed at him. Six days earlier, according to the papers, an irate Joumana sat on the hood of Kidd's car and refused to budge, preventing him from getting to practice. "On other occasions, the defendant has laid in front of the plaintiff's car in order to prevent him from attending professional obligations," the papers claim. The "increasingly jealous and paranoid" Joumana, 34, also installed tracking devices on all of Kidd's vehicles and computers to trace where he's been and whom he's been talking to, according to the legal document.

Kidd says in the papers that his wife finally agreed to dismantle the devices after he confronted her - only to secretly reactivate them. Kidd also blames his wife for wildly lavish spending. But more seriously, he also charges in the papers that she has routinely threatened to call 911 and "file fictitious domestic violence reports against [him]" when angry.

Kidd, 33, was busted for splitting his wife's lip in front of their then-2-year-old son in Arizona in 2001, when he played for the Phoenix Suns. At the time of the assault, the pair were squabbling over who would feed the child. When Joumana yelled at Kidd for swiping one of the baby's fries, he snapped, according to reports. Later that year, he was traded to the Nets, and signed a six-year, $99 million contract.

"Right now, it's tough, a difficult situation for my family," Kidd told reporters at team practice yesterday. "So we'd ask for any family matters that we're going through to be in private. "I knew it'd be headlines. But again, it's a family matter as we try to work our things out." "She has a right to say what she wants," Kidd added of his wife. "For me, it's just what's done is done."

Kidd filed for divorce the day after personally going to the courthouse to take out a temporary restraining order against his wife, alleging that she flew into violent rages in front of their children, sources said. His wife was blindsided by the move, said one of her lawyers, Gary Newman. Newman declined comment on the divorce filing, saying, "The first we're hearing it is from you." He also refused to say whether Joumana planned to file a domestic-violence counterclaim against Kidd.

Another of Joumana's lawyers, celebrity legal eagle Raoul Felder, ripped the restraining order against his client, noting her size versus Kidd's. "Don't forget, this is a guy who was charged with spousal abuse in Arizona," Felder said. "It's absurd. She's all of 5-foot-3 and 110 pounds. He's the professional athlete. And she harassed him? "It's very simple," he said of the charges that Joumana attacked Kidd. "There's a one-word response: Untrue." Kidd was back on the basketball court last night and had a strong game, scoring 10 points and getting 14 assists as the Nets beat the Toronto Raptors, 101-86.

He and his wife are due in court again Jan. 17.

Seriously, Buy Sirus!

Congratulations to another hero of mine - Howard Stern. Apparently my 13 new subscriptions help earn him one bigass bonus. Sirius Satellite Radio (SIRI) paid shock jock Howard Stern a bonus worth nearly $83 million Tuesday for surpassing subscriber goals set in a 2004 contract that had already turned heads with its $500 million compensation package.

The freewheeling and ribald Stern joined Sirius one year ago, jumping from the FM dial, where he rose to become one of radio's biggest stars but frequently bridled at government indecency regulations and ties with his corporate bosses.

His defection marked a turning point for the nascent business of satellite radio, with both Sirius and larger rival XM Satellite Radio (XMSR) paying millions more to sign other talent and attract listeners to their subscription model.

Sirius had about 600,000 subscribers when it signed Stern in 2004 for a contract valued at $500 million over five years.

At the time, analysts had forecast the company would grow to about 3.5 million subscribers by the end of 2006. Sirius and Stern agreed to a bonus if the number of subscribers exceeded that forecast by more than 2 million.

Last week, the company said it ended 2006 with more than 6 million subscribers, at the middle of a forecast range made in December, triggering the bonus payment of about 22.1 million Sirius shares. Sirius was trading at about $3.80 Tuesday.

"The decision to bring Howard Stern to Sirius required a very significant commitment, and we are very pleased that our investment has dramatically paid off," Sirius Chief Executive Mel Karmazin said.

Sirius said the bonus to Stern would not increase its diluted share count and expenses related to the payment have been reflected in operating results throughout 2006.

Both Sirius and XM are growing rapidly, but losing money as they aim to improve their technology and sign on top-shelf entertainment, from the largest U.S. sports leagues to celebrities like Stern, Oprah Winfrey and Martha Stewart.

Sirius and XM shares have also shed more than 40% of their value in the last year, compared with a 10% rise in the Standard & Poor's 500 Index, with investor concerns ranging from the ability to meet new subscriber targets to a weak retail sector.

Stern's contract with Sirius offers additional stock-based bonuses for exceeding subscriber targets on an annual basis, but the threshold grows increasingly higher over time and is substantially greater than 2 million.

That makes it less likely the radio host would qualify for another bonus unless Sirius posts tremendous growth.

BCS=Bowl Coverage Sillyness

I am sick of the BCS coverage and waiting for this over-hyped ballyhoo. However, with 20 minutes before kickoff, I have this to say:

The Florida Gators get their shot at undefeated Ohio State in the BCS title game in Glendale, Arizona on Monday night. While many argued that Michigan should have had the chance to play in the title game, after the Wolverines pathetic showing in the Rose Bowl that debate is now moot and in surprising fashion, Gordon Gekko-influenced experts report that early betting has the public taking the Gators plus the points.

My prediction: Gators 42, Buckeyes 13.

Stop by and whine tomorrow.

WHAT IS THAT SMELL?!?!?

F station at W. 23rd St and 6th Ave evacuated, PATH train service suspended btn. 33rd Street and Journal Square and 33rd Street and Hoboken




The recent unseasonably-warm weather inspired me to re-ignite my Weber Genesai 6500 Turbo Deluxe gas grill. I forgot to turn it off last night, and for that, I apologize.

Doh! A slight miscalculation!!

Stupid me - I forgot to consider the possibility if a botched hold attempt. What?
Yes, exactly.

Maybe Carrie Underwear had something to do with Tony Homo's tossing of the game.

If I were a betting man, ooops, I am...

Here's week one of Butt Fox's magical NFL playoff game predictions. And they're free; none of that 1-900-bullshit bs. For your gambling [addiction] pleasure:

KC at Indy
The Colts are still fighting the tag of postseason choke specialists, but ask the Denver Broncos if going to Indy in January is an easy task. The Broncos have done so twice in the last three years and were embarrassed both times. If Indy does stumble, it’s much more likely to happen at San Diego or Baltimore than at home against decent-but-nothing-special Chiefs.

Prediction: COLTS, 35-20

Dallas at Seattle
If recent exploits are any indication, the Cowboys are in a heap of trouble. The problem for Seattle is that the Seahawks really haven’t played much better than the ‘Boys, save for last week’s cruise at Tampa Bay. A month ago, we were looking at Dallas as a serious Super Bowl contender and I can’t believe that much has changed. In the second postseason meeting between Bill Parcells and Mike Holmgren (Super Bowl XXXI – Packers 35, Patriots 21), The Tuna gets his revenge.

Prediction: COWBOYS, 24-17

NYJ at New England
It’s remarkable how the visiting team has fared so well in this rivalry in recent years. Make you think the Jets might have a chance. But this is the postseason, friends. It’s a whole new ballgame, if you can forgive the cliché. Picking against Belichick at home is like putting chocolate frosting on a baloney sandwich – there’s no law against it, but it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

Prediction: PATRIOTS, 23-10

NYG at Philly
It appears as if the only real concern for the Eagles is whether they’ve peaked too soon – having won their last five games entering the playoffs. Tough to win eight straight to get to the Super Bowl, although their in-state brothers in Pittsburgh put such a run together last season en route to a championship. The spread of a full touchdown is begging folks to consider the Giants for an upset… and I believe it’s a real possibility. Sure, New York has been pretty bad over the second half of the season. But 8-8 doesn’t mean awful, it means streaky. The Giants have been cold for a while now, but last week’s clutch win could start another winning skein. And they certainly have the talent to get it done. I believe this one comes down to a late turnover and a game-winning field goal in the final seconds.

Prediction: EAGLES, 24-21

Think you can beat me? Bring it on, you holes of corn. Use the comment section to post your predicted scores or to tell me what a prick I am.

Viewer Question of the Week

An advisory firm has told me they can help me earn a minimum return of 1 percent per month on a $100,000 investment. As I understand it, they borrow four times the amount you invest to buy blocks of bonds and then somehow simultaneously sell smaller blocks of those bonds.

I've heard that in some months, they have paid out an 8% return. I've been told this company is backed by a very reputable major investment firm and that your money is escrowed so that you can't lose it. Do you think this is a legitimate investment opportunity or a scam?

-Vicki, Buffalo, Minn.

Answer: Based on what you've told me, it could very well be a scam, that is, a Ponzi scheme or other ploy designed solely to separate you from your money. But it's also possible that it could also be a perfectly legal investment that comes with latent fees or a zillion strings attached that make it virtually impossible for you to collect those enticing returns.

Either way, I think you should just avoid it, as well as anything else this firm is peddling and, for that matter, any other investments pitched in a similar way.

Why? Well, this just doesn't pass what I call the "sniff test." It just smells bad. In fact, the "investment" you've described has three of the classic malodorous elements that are common to outright flim flams and dubious, though legal, investments that promise more than they'll actually deliver.

"It stinks, and you shouldn't step in it. Getting it out of your shoes will be next to impossible."

-GG, circa 1990

A Sure Thing

I've been watching this cat Tony Pierce since before Telocity started to belly-up. Which wasn't that long ego, just monumental to me. GG always taught me to watch for the occasional pot-stirrers, and this here Tony is just that. Some call him the blogfather, and with good reason. His writing is uncoventional to say the least, but the subject matter range is good stuff - from ass-squeezing to good music to bad politics to cubs\bears to abortion. And regular.

More recently, he caused some rumblings with a Wikipedia controversy and his alleged abandonement of his personal website to focus on his new job as editor in chief at laist dot com. I recommend you read both, like the mechanics at Bluestar would. Well, because they're real.